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“3 WEEK”: 3 WAYS to RESTORE RELATIONSHIPS 5-16-11

I can’t remember the last time I started a post with references to the book of Revelations. Ok…I never have. But Something was brought to my attention this week that I wanted to share:

I had a long talk with a man who had walked away from his faith but wanted to come back. He told me that he grew up as a believer, interned at his church and even felt called to ministry. But now he was very ashamed of the life he was living…. he and his girlfriend are living together (yes it is wrong), he struggles with substance abuse, he is “tatted up”, pierced everywhere and has trouble keeping a job. He is full of self-doubt, unbelief, and addictions. He was at the “end of his rope” and he wanted to “GET RIGHT with GOD”.

His story is like many who start their faith well and then, for whatever reason (I have some ideas) they just fall away…. some, like my new friend, embrace everything that is the antithesis of what they once stood for.

So, I walked him through the following simple steps found in Revelations 2:4-5  Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first.

1. REMEMBER. Can you remember what it was like when you desperately loved Jesus? Maybe it was when you first came to faith. Maybe when a child was born or you saw God do something miraculous. It might have been when you were a teenager….. whenever it was…… REMEMBER!

2. REPENT. literally “change your thinking” about the “sin that so easily entangles you”. Agree with God that some of what you are doing, thinking and even planning is SIN. Anger, jealousy, hatred, malice, gossip, fornication, lust envy etc….. turn from it and embrace God….then KEEP TURNING FROM IT.

3. DO THE THINGS YOU USED TO DO. Pray, seek, believe, trust… you used to do all of those things……. do them again.

By the way…this simple process works when restoring any relationship. If you are in a marriage that is “on the Rocks”. Remember what it was like early on in the relationship, repent of the “junk” that has infected the two of you, then do the things you used to do when you relationship was new.

 

FRIDAY’S “BEST OF”: Followership

Everyone on the planet is writing books about Leadership! Casually walk through any major bookstore and you will see all kinds of books on the subject. These books promise you can: “Lead Like Jesus”, Lead from the “Second Chair”, Lead with a “Limp”, Lead in a Circle (360 Degrees), become the “Leader You Were Meant to Be” (scary) and of course “Release the Leader In You!”.

While most of us aspire to be leaders (and probably will lead others)  the fact is that the vast majority of our lives will be spent following someone else’s cause, direction or mandate. (Even when we have made it our own).

Ok, Here is the point: Most of us are terrible followers. We bristle when told we must do something that we don’t want to do…..And for the Christian, their faith will mean nothing to a lost and dying world if they cannot follow well. 

A Few Problems with Following:

  1. WE ARE AMERICANS!  Nobody tells us what to do! Our whole country was established based on the principle: Don’ t tell me what I can or cannot do!”
  2. LITTLE LAWYERS rise up inside of us whenever we are told we have to do something (Parent, boss, cop, organizational leader etc…) We question their authority, their direction and even their lineage!
  3. ABUSIVE LEADERS ABOUND! We have all had to submit to the authority of someone who abused their authority either by decree or neglect.
  4. WE HAVE REBELLIOUS HEARTS. (Jeremiah 17:9)

CONSIDER:

  1. God expects you to follow an unbelieving, unfair, mean….. boss, teacher, cop, parent, president, chairman and “grand poobah”! For it is God who established the authority in your life. (1 Peter 2)
  2. Authority in your life represents ORDER and not VALUE. In other words, someone’s authority has nothing to do with their value. (Contratary to Secular Humanism, scripture actually encourage followers of Christ to become less and less in their submission to both Christ and “every authority instituted among men” (John 3:30/1 Peter 2:13)
  3. Following a boss well gives you a unique platform to share what is really important, faith in Jesus Christ? You stand out “like a sore thumb”! How can you ever be a “light in a dark world” if your own bosses (and others) question your integrity or work ethic or loyalty?
  4. If we are unable to follow the authority that we can see, how can we follow the authority we cannot see? (John 4:20, interp)
  5. God uses an unfair authority figure to make us better….. (James 1:3)
  6. Scripture says rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft…. in other words not good at all.  (1 Sam 15:23)

While we are all busy learning how to be better leaders…we may want to pay a little more attention to following whomever God has placed in authority over us.

 

“HOW TO MAKE A WIFE” WEEK: “PURSUE HER” Devo 5-12-11

This next principle is easy to teach and difficult to actually doThe truth is that most of us stop “pursuing our wives” right after the first really big fight or when we discover that she has her “own” opinions. We tend to think that since we married her there is no need to pursue her…after all you don’t pursue something that you already caught…right?  Then when we allow work, raising a family, paying bills and busy schedules rob us of any

extra time and energy, we easily forget that our wives need to feel like we would choose them over, and over ,

and over again….. nothing wrong with that. (we are the same way…it just looks different)

PRINCIPLE #7 of “HOW TO MAKE A WIFE” is:

7. PURSUE HER. Every woman wants to be pursued. Every woman wants to be “won”!  When we were dating, (or newly weds) and men were trying to act like women (talk, be romantic, share details, listen) and women are trying to act like men, both parties were doing their best to “win the other one”.  Here is how we did it:

  • We were considerate – We got her door, we put the phone away, we did not watch TV and grunt when she spoke, we checked her car for safety, we made sure she got home, we followed her into the next room when she was upset…
  • We were self-sacrificing – we were willing to give up what we wanted for what she wanted. Everything from where you ate together to what movie you saw was determined by HER desires and not your own.
  • We were protective – we made sure she arrived to her destination, glared at other guys for even looking at her, gave her the helmet while we rode without one, held her close when going through a tough part of town etc…
  • We were thoughtful – we left notes, text messages, dropped by, phoned home, picked up our underwear, wiped the seat etc..

QUESTIONS: I Peter 3:7  Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. 

  1. When was the last time you stopped and tried to figure out something that would win her heart? (when you were NOT already in trouble!)
  2. What would happen if you started to try and “win your wife’s heart” again?
  3. How would she respond? 
  4. What would you have to change in order to “pursue her” like you did before you “caught her”? 

SADLY, Our culture guarantees that someone else is pursuing your wife. In other words, there is another man she knows who would love to be in your shoes and he is probably working on it right now. It is the world we live in.  (Song of Solomon)

Don’t stop PURSUING HER just because you married her!  

 
 

“HOW TO MAKE A WIFE” WEEK: “Be Faithful!” Devo 5-11-11

Want to free your wife to be the woman she wants to be…and the woman you need her to be? 

TRY THIS:   BE FAITHFUL TO HER!!!   Before you dismiss this as WAY TO OBVIOUS, you need to know that being faithful is more than you might think.  I’m sure there are dozens of ways to “BE FAITHFUL” to our wives but try the following 7 principles…

  1. NEVER BE ALONE WITH A WOMAN WHO IS NOT YOUR WIFE, CHILD OR RELATIVE. I “get” that we all have times (assignments, training, surprise visits etc…) that it is impossible to avoid being alone with another woman but try this… leave the door open, get someone to ride with you, invite someone else to join you for lunch, etc… Psalm 44:20-21 If we had forgotten the name of our God or spread out our hands to a foreign god, would not God have discovered it, since he knows the secrets of the heart?
  2. NEVER COMPARE HER UNFAVORABLY TO ANY OTHER WOMAN..ever! (Prov 19:4)  I don’t care if she says how pretty someone else is…never, never, NEVER agree with her! Why would you? (You say “Hixon, we have a mature and honest relationship, that can handle me finding someone else attractive”.  To that I say “Really? I’m not questioning the maturity of your relationship, just the WISDOM of sharing everything that “pops” into you head”. Proverbs 17:28 Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues. Do you share EVERYTHING you think with your spouse?
  3. SPEAK WELL OF HER TO OTHER WOMEN  I have been in ministry for about 23 years. Very very rarely have I known a man who was unfaithful to his wife that was either not “looking to be” or not “incredibly reckless”. Just like the drug addict easily finds a dealer, someone bent on unfaithfulness will find many who are willing to fulfill that role. Scripture says “Deep Calls to Deep” (Psalm 42:7).  It is pretty easy to tell the guys who are “open” to being unfaithful and the guys who are not. This is one way to tell the world you are NOT “OPEN”.
  4. BE AFFECTIONATE TO HER BOTH PRIVATELY AND IN PUBLIC  not saying to start “making out” in front of other people but I am saying to send signals to anyone who cares to see that you are “WITH HER”! 
  5. DEFEND HER TO YOUR BUDDIES (better yet, get new buddies who don’t critique your wife). I know this is not Junior High but this happens all the time. You can never “give permission” (by agreeing or failing to defend) to anyone to be disrespectful to your wife. It is wrong and she WILL find out!
  6. DEFEND HER TO YOUR FAMILY (and hers).  Families are funny things. They can be a source of great strength and/or a source of great destruction. As the man in the home you cannot allow your family (mom, dad, siblings) to tear down your wife. It does not matter if you agree with their assessment or not.  
  7. SLEEP WITH HER. Seriously. A sexless marriage places two people in a very precarious position. One of need, desire and vulnerability. 1 Corinthians 7:5  Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again sothat Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.  You’re welcome!

In keeping these 7 Principles (and dozens more) you are helping your wife grow under the safety you provide. You are investing in the single most important human relationship you have….and it will pay HUGE dividends. 

 

“HOW TO MAKE A WIFE” WEEK: “Viva la Difference” 5-10-11

One of the main reasons I married Margie is that she is a girl! She looks different than me, smells different, acts different. She prefers gentleness to harshness, communicating in “paragraphs” and not “mono-syllabic grunts”, she enjoys eating off of plates instead of from a can…ya know….girl stuff.

If you are like me in this regard…then we must ask ourselves: “why do we spend so much of our time trying to make our wives more like us?” (Don’t get me started on the wife that tries to feminize her husband, we will look at that soon enough) Can we expect her to think like us, handle situations like us, even parent and discipline our kids like us?

In our effort to “Make a Wife” we looked yesterday at “PROVIDING FOR HER” and “STUDYING HER”. Two more principles that will help you have a marriage that is BUILT TO LAST are…

3. ACCEPT HER. Along with all of the gifts, abilities and talent that you married her for, she also has the shortcomings, blind spots and issues she came with. When you said “I DO”, you were accepting the responsibilty to fuel her talents, smooth out the rough spots and tackle her weaknesses. BY THE WAY: her preference for a clean house, food in the pantry and emotional intimacy is not a weakness … it is something to be accepted and nurtured and, dare I say it, EMBRACED!

REMEMBER: You get the good and the bad (the richer and poorer, the sickness and health..etc) By the way….she got both good and bad with you! Ephesians 5:28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

4. GIVE HER A SAFE PLACE TO BE HERSELF.(emotionally, physically and spiritually) One of the surest ways to create an UNSAFE place for your wife is to allow SARCASM roam freely in your home.

It will absolutely pollute your marriage and your family in a sinister way. Sarcasm allows us to “say anything we want and not be held accountable”. You can make a sarcastic comment about your wife’s appearance, temperment, issues, family, decisons, etc… and cover it all with “JUST KIDDING”. Then when she responds with hurt feelings, you blame her for being too sensitive. Can you see how few things in marriage are more destructive than that!1 1 Peter 2:17 Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honor the emperor.

from The Bible Study Series, “Things They Did Not Tell Me About My Faith” – Hixon Frank 2007

 

“HOW TO MAKE A WIFE” WEEK: “Work and Study” Devo 5-9-11

I have believed for a long time that after about two years of marriage, our wives become who we create them to be. They either “blossom” under the safety that we provide (emotional, physical, spiritual) or they get “crushed” under our arrogance and selfishness. Most women allow their husbands, initially anyway, to have that kind of sway in their lives.

This week we will look at skills that a man needs to possess in order to establish a solid marriage…the whole week is “MY OPINION” and not intended to be a Bible Study per se. Also gotta note that these posts are based on my personal conviction that the state of your marriage (and mine) is primarily the responsibility of the man. So for us to have marriages that are BUILT TO LAST I believe that each of us men should have the following 10 skills:

We need to have the SKILL to…

1. PROVIDE FOR HER. Yep, that is right! Get a job, keep it and do well at it. 1 Timothy 5:8 Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

I think for most men this idea is pretty simple and straightforward but is has HUGE implications for how hard we work, how we handle set backs and how we submit to the authority that is represented at work. It is a gross overstatement to say that a woman primarily is looking for financial security…but there is a some truth to it. A woman should be able to expect her husband to work hard (not work-a-holic), take care of the resources God has provided (without being a scrooge), and make responsible financial decisions etc…. It is NOT an unspiritual pursuit to seek to provide well for your family. (obviously it can be taken too far) Somewhere between living in a cardboard box and a mansion in Turtle Creek lies the reasonable expectation. You can live on a small salary or a big one and still provide “well” for your family.

2. STUDY HER. 1 Peter 3:7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.

Know her dreams, fears, likes and dislikes, her tendencies (good and bad) and what “pushes her buttons”. Know what makes her happy or causes her stress. Know what hurts her feelings and why. Hint: men and women have the same emotions….they just come out differently. Women get angry…so do women, men get insecure…so do women, men need respect….so do women. Think about it!

REMEMBER:

“THE FACT THAT YOUR WIFE IS A WOMAN IS A STRENGTH FROM WHICH TO BENEFIT

and NOT A WEAKNESS TO BE MANAGED”.

from The Bible Study Series, “Things They Did Not Tell Me About My Faith” – Hixon Frank 2007

 

MINISTRY WEEK: “THE FOG OF … MINISTRY?” Devo 5-6-11

The FOG OF WAR is a term used to describe the uncertainty in situation awareness experienced by participants in military operations.The term seeks to capture the uncertainty regarding own capability, adversarycapability, and adversary intent during an engagement, operation, or campaign. -Wikipedia

Anyone who has been in ministry for very long has experienced something similar… The FOG of MINISTRY. It is the feeling of being overwhelmed, uncertain, and fearful with regard to what you have been asked to do in ministry. There was (is) ways something that could be done at church: more phone calls to make, more preparation to pull together, more people to see, more notes to be written, more meetings to hold, more study to do, more details to execute, more leaders to shape etc…… it creates a “fog” in the heart of the ministry leader that makes him uncertain and timid….it also robs him of his joy.

THE BEST “FOG LIGHT” I KNOW IS TO FIND “YOUR MINISTRY” WITHIN “YOUR MINISTRY”

ASK YOURSELF THESE TWO QUESTIONS…

1. WHAT IS IT ABOUT MINISTRY THAT GOT YOU “JAZZED UP” IN THE FIRST PLACE? Do you remember? For me it was several things…

  • Seeing the “light come on” with people. Helping people “get it”! So I started to incorporate a lot more Teaching into the way I executed my assignments.We also started a ministry called “Wingmen” that allowed me to teach a bunch of guys each week… The fog began to lift….
  • Leadership Development – I am wired to exhort and encourage folks in their walk with Jesus so it is a natural overflow of that tendency in my life. So I started meeting weekly with the young staff members who were new to the staff…the fog dissipated.
  • Shepherding – I am a Sheepdog and not a German Shepherd so I intentionally tried to see my staff and volunteers as “sheep to be lead” and not “cattle to be driven”. Joy crept back into my “ministry”.

2. WHAT WOULD YOU DO “FOR FREE?”. In other words, if you did not receive a paycheck from the church, what would you be involved in for the cause of Christ? For me it was pretty simple, I would…

  • Systematically “disciple” younger guys in their marriages and “Walk with Jesus.
  • Volunteer to teach any large group gathering that would have me…
  • I would direct (shepherd) a LIFE group
  • Probably be a greeter at the Welcome Center

What I have discovered is that I can effectively shape my ministry responsibilities to fit how I am wired. I am called to “equip the saints for the work of ministry”…so I teach, develop and shepherd in a way that accomplished this…..see?

I think Moses was in the “FOG OF MINISTRY” when the following passage was written….

EXODUS 18:17-23

17 Moses’ father-in-law replied, “What you are doing is not good. 18 You and these people who come to you will only wear yourselves out. The work is too heavy for you; you cannot handle it alone. 19 Listen now to me and I will give you some advice, and may God be with you. You must be the people’s representative before God and bring their disputes to him. 20 Teach them the decrees and laws, and show them the way to live and the duties they are to perform. 21 But select capable men from all the people—men who fear God, trustworthy men who hate dishonest gain—and appoint them as officials over thousands, hundreds, fifties and tens. 22 Have them serve as judges for the people at all times, but have them bring every difficult case to you; the simple cases they can decide themselves. That will make your load lighter, because they will share it with you. 23 If you do this and God so commands, you will be able to stand the strain, and all these people will go home satisfied.”

 

The BIBLE and the Death of Osama bin Laden… guest post by Dr. Bruce Frank

I have watched the “Facebook/Twitter” debate about the “appropriate” response a Christian should have at the news of Osama bin Laden’s demise. Some of the posts have seemed almost “rednecked” in their enthusiasm that “we finally got the sorry ….. um…. turkey!”. While others have come off as “hyper-stoic”, as though we should be more spiritual than to be elated that the “murderer is dead”.

No one has articulated the conflicting emotions many American Christians have (and I believe should have) more succinctly than Dr Bruce Frank, Sr. Pastor at Biltmore Baptist Church in Asheville, North Carolina. He posted the following on his blog…..  (great blog that you can check out by following the “Bruce Frank” link in the right-hand column of this page)     

“Obviously the news has been full of the details concerning the death of the terror mastermind, Osama bin Laden. When President Obama said:”Tonight, I can report to the American people and to the world that the United States has conducted an operation that killed Osama bin Laden, the leader of al Qaeda, and a terrorist who’s responsible for the murder of thousands of innocent men, women, and children” – it set off a huge reaction here in the states and around the globe.

While most here in the States joyfully celebrated and rightfully gave thanks to our military personnel, some others, as expected ,said such reaction was ‘barbaric, etc…’ The question came up to me numerous times yesterday, “How should we react?” In other words, ‘how should we feel when we see a guilty person (admittedly and beyond reasonable doubt) brought to justice at the hand of civil government?’

While not exhaustive by any means, here are a couple of Biblical principles for a Christ-follower to consider:

1. Romans 13:1-5 clearly says that the government is a “minister of God for good”. But if you do what is evil, be afraid; for it does not bear the sword for nothing; for it is a minister of God, an avenger who brings wrath on the one who practices evil.” The killing of bin Laden was fully justified by the demands of just war theory, the historic Christian means of moral reasoning that measures the justification for acts of lethal force. Bin Laden was the one human being most responsible for a series of terrorist attacks that left thousands of civilians dead. He claimed responsibility and pledged future attacks.

2. Proverbs 24:17-18 says, “Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles; or the Lord will see it and be displeased, and turn His anger away from him.” The word for rejoice means “be arrogant, mocking”. However, Proverbs 21:15 tells us “the exercise of justice is joy for the righteous, but is terror to the workers of iniquity.”

So, on one hand we are told not to rejoice and on the other hand to also rejoice. So what we have is somewhat of a mixed emotion. I have a deep sense of joy, patriotism, and thanksgiving that our military had the means and will to remove this threat. There is a sense of satisfaction that a person who has harmed so many has been brought to justice. There is also a sense of sadness that a human being, made in the image of God, would be so given over to evil that he would callously murder many innocent people.”

There is a sadness when any person dies without Christ and suffers eternal punishment.

I guess the phrase I heard Al Mohler use sums up my feelings:

SOBER SATISFACTION.

 
 

MINISTRY WEEK: “3 QUESTIONS WE GOTTA ANSWER RIGHT” Devo 5-4-11

THERE ARE DOZENS OF DIFFERENT WAYS TO “DO” CHURCH! I know what I believe but could argue for and against a lot of things. Elder leadership, deacons, “simple church” model, “attractional” models, “missional” models, Purpose Driven models, mission strategies, big buildings, no buildings, alter calls, LIFE Groups, home groups, worship styles, creativity….etc, etc…and blah, blah, blah! Don’t get me started on the different theological points that we could debate…..

But here is the deal…I also know where my church stands on all of those issues…I stand with my church! Not in violation of my conscience and certainly not in violation of Scripture…. but in support of the leadership, plan and direction my pastor (leadership of the church) has determined we should go. It is freeing to have convictions that differ from my church (insignificant issues) and a conviction to uphold and support the local body that I serve. THE TRUTH IS: You will never serve a church that you are in 100% agreement with every little thing that is done…ever! So enjoy where God has planted you for this season.

ANSWERING THE “BIGGER” QUESTIONS RIGHT:

1. CAN I STILL REACH PEOPLE WITH THE GOSPEL OF JESUS CHRIST AND REMAIN AT MY CHURCH? If you can answer this question “YES” then the rest fades away nicely. Just focus on that and you may be suprised at how your frustration will vanish.

2. DOES WHAT WE DO AS A CHURCH VIOLATE SCRIPTURE? (not my opinion, convictions or preferences BUT SCRIPTURE). If the answer is “NO” then you might be struggling with simply “wanting what you want”. I know of folks who leave a church based on the “fact” that the church violates Scripture BUT really the church is just violates their PREFERENCES.

3. CAN I SUPPORT MY PASTOR? (Leadership) If “NO” then you may have a legitimate reason to leave OR you may have a real problem with authority. The reasons that 1 Peter 2: 13-17 was written is because we all wrestle with being told what to do… referees, teachers, cops, bosses…all represent authority that most folks “rub against”. The testimony of someone who can come under authority is honoring to God… 13 Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human authority: whether to the emperor, as the supreme authority, 14 or to governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right. 15 For it is God’s will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish people. 16 Live as free people, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as God’s slaves. 17 Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honor the emperor.

 

MINISTRY WEEK: “But they just don’t…..” Devo 5/3/11

I have heard the following statements made by staff members (not here) and church members alike over the last several years….

“The folks I serve with are more concerned about attendance than impact.” (Really? How do you know?)

“They are more interested in money coming in than with lives transformed by the Gospel.” (like the money used to pay your salary….keep the lights on and fund your ministry)

  • “They are just trying to make a name for themselves.”  (jealousy is an ugly thing)
  • “They just want to make a bigger church”  (and that…is…bad…how?)
  • “They don’t care about the lost like they should.” (spoken most often by people who have never shared their faith with anyone)
  • “They just cater to the folks with money cause they want more from them.” (prejudice against folks with money…and jealous. Usually from people who never give a dime)
  • “They don’t teach the Bible.” (translation: …like I want it taught. Or like the last guy did….whom I criticized too)

If you have ever made the above statements or something like them then you may have a problem judging the hearts of the folks you work with. 

REMEMBER: YOU REALLY DON’T KNOW “THEIR” MOTIVES.   

  1. TRY THIS:
    LET THAT STUFF GO!  It will kill you. …unless you see something immoral, unethical or illegal going on then assume the best about your pastor and rest of the staff. (yes I know what assuming does…and it is a lie) You will sleep better and last longer.Proverbs 16:2  All a person’s ways seem pure to them, but motives are weighed by the LORD. (Leave the motive weighing  to God.)
  2. EXAMINE YOUR OWN LIFE. Often times the things that frustrate us are also the things that reveal us. Staff just wants to make a name for themselves?  Maybe that is your issue.  They don’t care about the lost? How do you know?   Very seldom does someone who is involved in reaching people for Jesus have the time or inclination to complain about what other people are not doing for the cause of Christ.
  3. FOCUS ON YOUR OWN MOTIVES. What is driving your criticism? Is it fear? Is it the need for significance (as you define it?)  Or is it a passion for the things of Jesus?

James 4:3

 

“When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures”.

 

 

SATISFACTION AND CONTENTMENT IN MINISTRY COME FROM WALKING CLOSELY WITH JESUS AND NOT FROM BEING SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE THAT ACT LIKE YOU, DRESS LIKE YOU AND SMELL LIKE YOU! 

IT DEFINITELY DOES NOT COME FROM CREATING A SITUATION WHERE YOU ARE FREE FROM CONFLICT, CRITIQUE AND QUESTIONS!