What a great time together!! Thank you for opening up so much and looking at what God’s Word says about our tendencies as husbands. Also for the willingness to understand the things that a man faces in marriage and in life. Here are some notes from last Sunday… It was our week to look at the destructive tendencies of men…next week it’s the women’s turn. As always we will laugh a lot, see what Scripture tells us and be better for it!
Hope this helps,
Hixon and Margie
“Husbands love your Wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself for her.”
Let’s be honest. That is a pretty tall order! Christ loved the church (not the buildings but the people) sacrificed for the church, suffered for the church, blesses the church, protects the church, died for the church (Gospel)… Me? I struggle sometimes just to put her needs in front of my own. In fact, like most men… I am at war with insecurity, pride, my upbringing, wounds, selfishness, sin…
We teach that “as the man goes so goes the marriage”. That is not to say that the wife sits back for the ride. It is simply to say that the man has a unique role in leading the home. (Eph.5) If he leads well, then the marriage has the best chance at thriving. If he doesn’t, his wife will have to compensate for him…and that throws everything off. Two people….equal value…different roles.
2 KINDS OF DAMAGING HUSBANDS
1. THE DOMINEERING HUSBAND – (“My Way or the High Way!”) 1 Kings 4, Solomon’s son Rehoboam. These men often have good leadership abilities. People at work are usually a little intimidated; they are often in charge or soon will be. “These are the men you want leading armies.” They get the job done and are usually task oriented. The “up side” to these guys is endless in terms of accomplishing a task. However…a man who dominates his wife is like a man who crushes flowers.
Matthew 20:25-28 25 Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. 26 Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, 27 and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— 28 just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
A man will dominate his wife for a number of reasons. In addition, perhaps, to having a Choleric personality, he may have had detached parents, bringing on feelings of self-importance to cover the need for attention. He may have seen his father dominate and his mother capitulate so it is normal to him. “Dad barks and mom trembles”. He also simply may be insecure and cover by being overly controlling. Of course for many of us the desire to be in control is probably a pattern of sin, excuses and the thirst for power.
A husband who dominates his wife, inadvertently or intentionally, sends a lot of damaging signals to his wife.
- “We are not equals”
- “This marriage is about me” (and not you)
- “Your opinion doesn’t matter”
These signals can irrepairbly hurt a marriage …
2. THE PASSIVE HUSBAND (“Yes Dear”) – 1 Kings 21 King Ahab and Jezebel.
These men, at their best, can be giving and sensitive. They are kind and have a tendency to be empathetic. Sometimes they even read people and situations well. They often “hear the conversation that is really going on”… or at least believe that they do.
King Ahab allowed his wife Jezebel to lead him away from God and into all kinds of evil things. He simply couldn’t say no to her. Whatever she wanted she received…with terrible consequences.
REASONS FOR A PASSIVE HUSBAND
A man will allow his wife to dominate over him for a lot of reasons. Genesis 2-4. The Fall of man. He may have been over-nurtured with his parents making decisions for him. Maybe he was never allowed to fail etc.. Maybe his dad was also passive or his mom demanding. He could also be intimidated by his wife. There is a chance that he is just lazy. And of course he may have let his natural Phlegmatic personality run amok.
A husband who is passive essentially says this to his wife…
- “You married a child”
- “I’m not capable of making decisions”
- “You replaced my mother”
“A woman will rarely fully love a man whom she can fully control” – J. Evans
The Immoral Husband
The Distracted Husband