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5 Questions to Ask BEFORE You Marry Him

15 Oct

I have noticed that the women in my life (wife and two daughters) are attracted to “mushy romantic stuff.”  Books, postcards, weddings, frills … It is just who God “made em to be.” Seemingly, every Hallmark movie ever made is neatly recorded on our DVR waiting, most often, to redeem a difficult day at school, work or ministry. The thing is, every one of those movies is a visual romantic cliche’…

  1. Boy meets girl and they hate each other. (“he’s arrogant”, “she’s selfish”etc.)
  2. Then one sees some redeeming quality that others don’t see
  3. Then they get interested in each other, and its going well
  4. then some obstacle (his past, her work, something we all saw coming-but hoped “they” wouldn’t see it) interrupts what would have been a happily ever after
  5. at the last minute one of them discovers the truth (or has some grand epiphany) and races to catch the other at the last possible moment. (an airport is almost always involved.)
  6. then everything is right in the world.

Every single movie follows this path…but that isn’t all bad. In fact, after fighting it for years they have “won me” over to their side.

SOOOOOO I am publicly (all 9 of you that will read this) admitting that I’m all for “mushy love”…romantic, candlelit, corny love. The kind of love that happens in the movies…in New York City…..in the snow…. at Christmas time. You know… the “can’t breathe without you, if we don’t get married I’ll die, talk on the phone till 2 in the morning, leg popping, Pride and Prejudice kind of love”

Yep ….Thats me.

While I’m at it I have a few more random confessions…

I actually liked “The Notebook” more than I probably should have…I think Jane Austen was a great writer… the movie “Titanic” would have “sunk” without Jack and Rose. (though why on earth did she let him drown when here was more than enough room on the float she was on) ….Valentines Day IS a real holiday… I believe in love at first sight…kisses mean something…“Wall-E” was great because a robot finds love… Gladiator was a romance… and The Princess Bride could be the BEST MOVIE EVER MADE!!!!

eh-hem.

BUT… Since that kind of “love” usually last till just after the “credits” there are some things that I want my daughters to look for besides “all of that”.

unknown

I want em to ask themselves a few simple questions about the man they will someday marry:

1. DOES HE LOVE JESUS? Several years ago I stopped talking in terms of “being a Christian” and started asking, do they “love Jesus”? After all, I live in Texas, EVERYONE a is “CHRISTIAN”! But just because he calls himself a Christian, grew up in church and knows some verses does not mean much. Does he live it? Does he really walk with the Lord?  Is it obvious?  If it isn’t, you can either sign up hoping that one day he will, or you can wait till he does.

Matthew 22:37                                                                                                                                                         Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’

2. CAN HE SUBMIT TO AUTHORITY? Most of us hate this one. We have seen authority abused and want nothing to do with submitting to it. A constant theme in Scripture is obedience. David, Esther, Aaron, Timothy, Paul, Peter (eventually) and even Jesus submitted to the authority in their lives. An ordinary man should be no different.  He needs understand the authority he is under, and the authority he authority he will hold in the home. (Eph. 5 and 1 Peter 3 etc… ) Does he understand the servant leadership that he is charged with calls him to “love his wife as Christ loved the church”?  Can he submit without becoming the rebellious guy who speaks poorly of those in authority over him? If he can’t then a marriage to him will likely be hold all kinds of problems.

Romans 13:1-7
Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, whoever rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and you will be commended. 

 

3. IS HE IN CONTROL OF HIMSELF? When a man is driven by his appetites and not his faith, he is in danger is almost every area. From food to porn he will be at risk for addiction, deception and collapse. A woman wants to marry a man who can control himself. Women: Examine how he handles the physical relationship he has with you and you will have a glimpse into his ability to control is appetites. Maybe even glimpse into yours too.

Proverbs 25:28
Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.

4. CAN HE STAND ALONE WHEN MOST OTHERS BOW? From the moment he leaves the house in the mornings he will be wearing “a bullseye” on his back. This world, our Enemy and his sin nature will attack him and attempt to drive a wedge between husband and wife (and kids). Has he shown that he will be a man who sticks to his convictions when everyone else caves?

Danial 3:16                                                                                                                                                        Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to him, “King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. 17 If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us[c] from Your Majesty’s hand. 18 But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”

5. IS IT EVER HIS FAULT? I understand that sometimes the things that happen in our lives are not our fault…we are the victims. BUT… is it ever his fault when things go wrong? Can he take responsibility for his own junk? If he cannot, then his wife is going to be the “reason” for his struggles…cause it will not be HIS fault.

Genesis 3:12                                                                                                                                                                    12 The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”

So…. I say “go for the cute one, the romantic one, the rich one, the smart one etc” … just so long as he:

  • Loves Jesus more than himself … even more than he loves you…
  • Handles authority well…
  • Controls himself and not you…
  • Can stand when other bow…
  • Can accept responsibility for his actions…
 
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Posted by on October 15, 2016 in Family, Leadership, Marriage

 

“I Do Now What? (Week #5)

11 Oct

Hey Folks,

It was great to see a full room even on an “OU-Texas, Columbus Day, Fall Break,  Austin City Limits Weekend! These are some of the notes from  Week #5…. Hope they are helpful!  

                                                                                                                    Enjoy!     

                                                                                                                    Margie and Hixon 

 

REMEMBER: We are trying to build… a great, God-honoring marriage. One that is authentic with no pretend, pretty picture, Facebook facades. Right? One of the biggest hindrances to a marriage like that, is covered today…

Matt. 6:15 … is one of the verses in Scripture that Frankly (pun intended) I wish wasn’t there.

Seriously, I have a list, a short one, but a list nonetheless, of people who I would just prefer to hold a grudge against. These are people I somehow got “sideways with” and I am fine staying that way. It isn’t worth the effort, time or swallowing of pride to make the relationship right again. At least that is what I tell myself. Too honest? Ever felt like that?

Before you judge me too harshly, aren’t we all that way?…sometimes?  I mean, don’t you have people in your life that when you think of them you “go there”. Maybe enough time has passed where you are not grinding about it… but it is there.  Maybe you are resigned that the relationship isn’t important to you so you don’t care…but you still do.  And maybe you simply live your life nurturing the wound so much that the thought of letting it go no longer even occurs to you. Maybe?

What does the verse say, you ask? Matthew 6:15   “… if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”  

What?  now-what3You mean if I don’t forgive others then God won’t forgive me….um….well….grace of course figures in there somewhere but … yea, we have to forgive others.

Illustration: I remember a pastor friend tell the nightmare of discovering that both his daughter and granddaughter were being emotionally and physically abused by his son-in-law. He recounted the anger and rage he experienced towards both his son-in-law (now former) and even against God. He also told of the struggle, reluctance and finally the breakthrough in coming to a point of forgiveness…he shared it this way…“Except in the case of Jesus, human forgiveness is always followed by a comma and not a  period. I cannot forgive and forget. But I can forgive and forgive and forgive and forgive….eventually breaking free from the bondage that a grudge keeps us in.  We have to forgive, then keep forgiving. For my own sake and for the sake of the Gospel, (even as a picture of the gospel) I  have to let it go!”

grudges-post

Especially in marriage, forgiveness is YUGE!

Most of us, even when we love Jesus, can become unknowingly skilled at:

  • pointing the finger.
  • leveling charges
  • keeping a list of wrongs.
  • rehearsing perceived wrongs
  • building cases for our behavior
  • habits of competition and division.

It makes sense that when a couple is good at these things they are hopeless….

We all get seduced by the power of un-forgiveness (grudges).

1. A Grudge is Power… There is power in having something to hold over our spouses …

2. A Grudge is Identity…holding onto our spouses sin or weakness and failures makes us feel superior…

3. Grudge is Entitlement…because of the wrongs against me I feel that my spouse owes me…

4. A Grudge is Weaponry…very tempting to pull offenses out and use them when we are angry…

5. A Grudge puts us in God’s position…Very tempting to make myself the judge…

6. A Grudge is Bondage…it will not let us go until we break free through forgiveness

CLOSING: When a person understands what they have been forgiven of, and are continually forgiven of, they are much more likely to extend that forgiveness to others. That is never more true than in marriage where forgiveness of the lifeblood of a good relationship.

 

Jesus FORGAVE US!
Ephesians 2:8-9, Colossians 1:13-15

WE SHOULD FORGIVE OTHERS
Mark 11:24-26, Colossians 3:13,

1 Peter 3:7
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

grudge-3

 

Week #5 Concept Credit to Paul David Tripp – “What Did You Expect?” 2010

 
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Posted by on October 11, 2016 in Family, Marriage

 

I DO … Now What? (Week #4)

05 Oct

Hey folks,

Here are some of the notes form last Sunday’s “I DO…Now What?” class.

Hope they are helpful!

Margie and Hixon

MARRIAGE OF RECONCILIATION
2 Cor. 5:14-21
… 17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:[a] The old has gone, the new is here! 18 All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: 19 that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation…

If God has given Christians the message of Reconciliation, then that message must first be lived out at home and in our marriages.
Simple Definition of RECONCILIATION: “the act of causing two people or groups to become friendly again after an argument or disagreement”.

Reconciliation works best as a LIFESTYLE and not just a response when things go badly.

  • Since you are a sinner who married a sinner…one of your will always lean towards being thoughtless, calloused, insensitive, selfish, arrogant, disloyal, …well….a sinner.
  • KEY: If you are going to have a marriage that lives in unity, understanding, commitment etc…. then you must have a “little moments” approach.
  • If marriages die by 1000 small cuts, then they also heal by 1000 small “healing”
    • How do you lose weight? Moment by moment
    • How do you train for a marathon? Every day
    • How do you save for retirement? Slowly over time.
    • “Success is doing the right thing for a long period of time”
    • Not huge moment to huge moments….think about it. In 27 years of marriage margie and I have had probably 6-7 huge,life changing moments in our marriage. Most of it is just day to day.

pinky-hold

“The Character of a Marriage is formed in 100’s of daily, mundane moments and revealed in the intense blessings and storms of life”

You can have a great marriage, but you must understand that a good marriage is not a mysterious gift. No, it is, rather, a set of commitments that forges itself into a moment by moment lifestyle.

  1. Must life in your marriage with a HARVEST mentality. – Gal 6:7 – “reap what you sow” . Scariest verse in scripture…. most of us thankfully will not rep what we sow because of grace but there is a CAUSE AND EFFECT…

2 Corinthians 9:6
Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.

Very day you harvest “relationship plants” that spring from the seeds you have planted moments, days, months or even years ago. .

  • If you plant kindness you will eventually reap warmth
  • ….plant critique reap distance and coolness
  • ….plant prayer reap faith
  • ….plant insults reap bitterness
  • ….plant forgiveness reap closeness
  • etc….

2. Must live in your marriage with an INVESTMENT mentality.

Matt 6:19-33.  “… but store up for yourself treasures in heaven…”

“We all live to gain, maintain, keep and enjoy things that are valuable to us. SO what is really valuable to you?  Your marriage? Your position at work? Your kids? Your recreation and entertainment? Your…self? It will be reflected in what you INVEST in.”

3. Must live in your Marriage with a GRACE mentality

NOTE: The central theme of the Bible is not to impart a certain set of God-revealed principles that allow us to live a God honoring life….the central theme of scripture is a person. JESUS. (if principles then no need for Jesus)

Most of us have gotten good enough at being a church member that we start to rank ourselves. While we would never say it, we certainly live by the idea that we are “better at Jesus” than other people. That is ridiculous!

Where a marriage gets good is when both husband an wife know that they have been forgiven soooooo much that they must extend the same grace to their spouse.

See ya this Sunday at Hyde Park!

 

Week #4 Concept Credit to Paul David Tripp – “What Did You Expect?” 2010

 
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Posted by on October 5, 2016 in Family, Marriage

 

5 Ways to Help Your Kids “Struggle Well”

02 Oct

One of the hardest parts about our parenting journey has been knowing what to do when our kids struggle. I’m not even talking about the true tragedies that sometimes befall a child or family. Just the stuff that happens because we breathe air, walk the earth and interact with other people…

Ya know.…   “That girl across from my daughter in kindergarten was mean to my baby and she neeeeeeeds to hear from me about straightening up!”..”the punk on my sons football team”…”that coach who didn’t see my daughters clear athletic prowess”  …”that teacher that “hates” my son…” etc.   (Do I seem angry?)  It goes on and on…and it is life. Painful, messy, uncomfortable life.

Of course OUR kids are “perfect”, but lets just say that “HYPOTHETICALLY”, one or two or ALL of them had/have difficult seasons in there lives. Whether socially, academically, spiritually, athletically or maybe all four at the same time (and man those are fun times!) we saw/see it and we hurt for them. We want to take the pain away and make it better. In fact, in some ways we  believe it is our duty as parents to remove the pain of life…and it is …kinda…our role. But to what extent?

So really……. when DO you step in? When do you say something? When do you just take care of it? And when do you just help them “struggle well” through it?

I would never argue against being on our children’s “side”, “in their corner” or “on their team”. But here is the truth we know, but hate to look at: If our children never struggle well through difficulty and perceived personal injustice, then they will never become adults who are strong, capable and mature.

struggle-bus

Five Quick Things to Consider…

  1. PARENT YOUR KIDS LIKE GOD PARENTS US.  Sometimes our Heavenly Father steps in and saves the day. But most of the time He allows consequences to help us grow up. He comforts, guides and loves but He often also”allows”. I think that is because consequences are usually the best way to grow. Even consequences that are “unfair”.  (Gal 6:7 MSG)
  2. KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE PRIZE: We all want well-behaved, respectful and healthy children right?  Illustration: “7 year old Johnny won’t listen to his teacher so he is reprimanded. This hurts his feelings…which hurts mom’s feelings…which makes dad angry. Defending Johnny’s behavior may be a great way for  you to feel better about yourself but a terrible lesson for Johnny to learn. What if Johnny never really reigns himself in because he knows mom and dad will take his side even when he misbehaves?  (2 Timothy 4:7-9 MSG) Remember: What is cute as a 7 year old is really ugly at 13  
  3. VALUE THE JOURNEY: Some seasons are dark and full of difficulty. Some seasons are refreshing and fun to be involved in. But all of the seasons are part of a bigger journey towards maturity and adulthood. In every season there is growth. And growth is good.  (Ecclesiastes 3 MSG)
  4. GUIDE YOUR KIDS OVER THE ROCKS, DON’T REMOVE THE ROCKS FROM THE PATH – Margie is a runner, recreational and sometimes hard core. The prep for a marathon (or as I call it, 26.2 miles of voluntary insanity) involves hard times. Usually a lot of heat, hard ground, early  morning runs, aching muscles, increased distance etc… serves to give her the best chance of completing the race she is intent on running. She would never survive the rigors of a marathon without all of the resistance she faces preparing for it. Same is true for our kids… no resistance, no growth… no failures, no successes. No small wounds, no callouses to get through the big wounds that are coming as they grow into adulthood.  (2 Tim 2:3  MSG)
  5. CREATE A “HOME THAT IS A HOSPITAL” Pain does not start in the hospital, it ends there. Home is not where pain starts, it is where it is dealt with by Drs. Dad and Mom. Our “scalpels, anesthesia and stitches are truth, love and hugs”. If a child (or spouse for that matter) has no place to heal properly from the wounds of life then, like a broken leg that isn’t set right, the wounds will linger and may never fully heal.   (Micah 6:8, Romans 15:5 MSG)

 

Hope this is helpful,

Margie and Hixon

 

 
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Posted by on October 2, 2016 in Discipleship, Family, Marriage

 

“Rocky, the next Piper?”

30 Sep

[Rocky_Balboa_4.jpg]I posted this about a year ago but readership has increased since then… so this is one of the oldies…. enjoy!

I love the Rocky movies! You know…. humble guy overcomes crazy obstacles to win the Title, the respect of the world and the girl. He represents all things both manly and noble. In my view he is not just an American Icon, but possibly one of our leading theologians. (sarc)  Simple, deep, profound……man’s man!

See if you don’t agree…

The following is a small example of the genius that is ROCKY… Watch it here: http://youtu.be/UfjRcGDBvMQ

TRANSCRIPT:  “I’d hold you up to say to your mother, “this kid’s gonna be the best kid in the world. This kid’s gonna be somebody better than anybody I ever knew.” And you grew up good and wonderful. It was great just watching you, (1 Peter 5:2) every day was like a privilege. Then the time come for you to be your own man and take on the world, and you did. (1 Corinthians 13:11). But somewhere along the line, you changed. You stopped being you. You let people stick a finger in your face and tell you you’re no good (John 15:20). And when things got hard, you started looking for something to blame, like a big shadow (Hebrews 12:1). Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life (John 10:10). But it ain’t about how hard ya hit (Luke 6:29). It’s about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward (2 Corinthians 6:4). How much you can take and keep moving forward (Phil.3:12). That’s how winning is done! Now if you know what you’re worth then go out and get what you’re worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain’t you! You’re better than that! (James 2:5) I’m always gonna love you no matter what. No matter what happens. You’re my son and you’re my blood. You’re the best thing in my life. But until you start believing in yourself, ya ain’t gonna have a life(John 3:16). Don’t forget to visit your mother.” – Rocky Balboa

(Please read this post with some discernment. It is written “tongue-in-cheek” and only intended to make a few simple points about growing up and living life with some tenacity. No endorsement of “Rocky”, Sylvester Stallone, the sport of boxing, punching dead cows, violence, bad acting or the city of Philidelphia is intended)

REFERENCES:

  • John 15:20 “Remember what I told you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’[a] If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also”.
  • 2 Corinthians 6:4 “Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses;”
  • 1 Peter 5:2 Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, watching over them—not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not pursuing dishonest gain, but eager to serve;
  • 1 Corinthians 13:11 “When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.”
  • Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,
  • Titus 2:12 It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age,
  • Philippians 3:12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.
  • Luke 6:29 “If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them.”
  • James 2:5 “Listen, my beloved brethren: did not God choose the poor of this world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom which He promised to those who love Him?”
  • Ephesians 1:7 “In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace”
  • John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”


 
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Posted by on September 30, 2016 in Devotional Thoughts, Discipleship, Leadership

 
Aside
26 Sep

Now that was a great TIME together!  Hope yesterday was a fun for you as it was for Margie and me! In addition to your handout from Sunday, here his a quick reminder  about building your GREAT MARRIAGE…

hula-hoopWives must see themselves see themselves as the biggest marriage problem they face…not their husbands. Husbands must see themselves the same way.  Remember the “Hula Hoop” illustration? …

You and your spouse inside the hula hoop…

  1. You face each other and embrace…that represents spiritual, emotional, and physical closeness. That’s good, we like that!
  2. You turn back to back…that represents that it is the two of you “against the world” and the fact that you “have your spouses back”. That’s also good, we like that…a lot!
  3. You lock arms facing one direction…that represents the fact that you will go through life together on the same team and in the same direction. Again, love that!

 

  1. Where it goes “south” is when you are face-to-face with your fingers pointing at one another, blaming or trying to “fix” your spouse. Matthew 7:3-5 says we have to get the board out of our own eye before we get the speck out of our spouses’. The point is to work on ourselves first and understand that WE are the solution to the problems in our marriage and NOT our spouse.
  2. Your jobs not to fix your spouse. Oh you can get em to behave in accordance with your preferences but the cost is usually a whole lot higher than you think. Resentment, anger, bitterness and frustration can hang like a toxic haze over the couple who are intent on fixing each other.  It will drive a huge (and I mean “YUGE”) wedge between a Husband and a Wife. Like our daughter says, “You Do You … Boo Boo!”
  3. Criticism left as a habit will poison your marriage faster than almost anything else. That does not mean your can’t help your spouse grow in areas of weakness HOWEVER, take care to do that only when you have permission, and only when your relationship is on good footing.

Remember:  Our problem is NEVER seeing the fault in our spouse…it is seeing the fault in ourselves.

PSALM 139: 23-24
Search ME, God, and know MY heart;
test ME and know MY anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in ME,
and lead ME in the way everlasting.

We are looking forward to this Sunday! We have more chairs so seating won’t be a problem this week no matter how many folks your bring!

Margie and Hixon

I DO..Now What? (Week #3)

 
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Posted by on September 26, 2016 in Family, Marriage

 

“IDNW?” (week #2)

21 Sep

It was so great to see so many new faces last Sunday morning! We are in for a great semester…..

HERE ARE SOME OF OUR NOTES…

Ephesians 5:21-35

31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

rings

Dr Val Farmer: Clinical Psychologist says here are 10 things that destroy a marriage…….. see what you think….

10. Dishonesty, laziness and other CHARACTER DEFECTS. Basic trust and respect underlie love and form the basis of relationships. Lies, deceit, disloyalty, secret habits, or emotional dishonesty about thoughts or feelings destroy trust and respect.

9. DESTRUCTIVE HABITS and addictions. Addictions have great power to be placed in front of the needs and happiness of a partner. Betrayal, hurt, anger and pain follow the wake of addictive behavior.

8. COMMUNICATION that is a painful process. A marriage with too much conflict, hostility, blame, criticism, defensiveness, and belligerent verbal attacks seems like life with an enemy instead of a friend. Marriage needs to be a place of safety, a haven, a place of love and refuge, not a war zone…

7. Leading separate lives. Relationships also suffer when couples don’t mesh their lives through shared activities, recreational companionship or spending enough time together…

6. Lack of affection and sexual fulfillment. When needs for sex and affection are not met, problems mushroom. Without affectionate gestures and words, love seems hollow and not as believable. People don’t marry to get a roommate. They expect to have an active and fulfilling sexual life with their spouse.

5. Lack of emotional intimacy.  The lack of sharing one feelings, goals, hurts, struggles, joys and emotional details of one’s life lead to loneliness and sadness.

4. Explosive, angry outbursts or rages. Anger can either create more anger or withdrawal, both of which interfere with effective communications.
Unbridled and unpredictable tempers interfere with emotional safety and trust when spouses need to engage each other on emotional issues.

3. Disrespectful judgments. Marriage needs acceptance, admiration, appreciation and emotional safety. It is disrespectful to try to change a spouse’s thinking by lecture, ridicule, threats, brainwashing, or negative aspersions. These perceived attacks on personality, character, intelligence or values undermine the mutual respect that forms the basis of love. T

2. Poor boundaries. Engaging in intimate conversations with members of the opposite sex leads to emotional experiences that cloud judgment, trigger fantasy life, and progress toward physical intimacies outside of marriage.

But almost all counselors agree that #1 Self-centeredness or selfishness is the foundational problem in most marriages. Most of us, when we get married, part of our joy is that is we have someone else besides us, who will spend most of their time thinking about us…its true!

Before we are married, almost all of our time is taken up meeting our own needs.
We entertain ourselves according to our preferences.
We buy the things we want to buy, cording to our preferences.
The money that we earn is ours to use according to our preferences.
Everything in our lives meets our needs. When we live like that before we are married we are setting ourselves up for a very difficult marriage.

Why?
Because marriage demands un unyielding focus on someone else…
Both Husband and wife must have, as a first priority, Jesus Christ. When each spouse focuses on Jesus some very practical things start to happen…

  • Each lives out their faith in an overt and obvious manner.
  • They extend forgiveness and grace towards one another
  • They speak truth but fill it with gentleness and love
  • Begin making decisions based on truth not emotions

 

HUSBANDS:

Biblically You carry the weight of leadership in the home…
Ephesians 5: 21-32

“Husband: Love Your Wife”
“Wife: Obey your husband”

The misunderstanding of these two phrases has caused a lot of unnecessary harm over the years. Lets look at this passage together….

21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Here is how that will look….

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

  • Church submits to Christ…
  • Not in some flaky, power trip.
  • Authoritative through His word.
  • Doesn’t change haphazardly or break his promise
  • Does what he says he will do…
  • Has very clear boundaries but extends grace

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
Husbands love your wife in a

  • sacrificial – death on the cross
  • strong – all authority given to Jesus
  • gentle – let the children come to me
  • protective – looked at crowds with compassion
  • honoring – honor dad and mom, honor God
  • pure – avoid sin
  • humble – “did not regard equality w God…”

MOST MEN:
Never learned how to lead a family spiritually. We grew up with dad’s who may have loved us but rarely lead the family other than possibly making church a priority (and that is a good thing) but so much more to it than that.

MOST WOMEN: Never learned how to follow a man who leads in a clunky and imperfect way…

SEE YA THIS SUNDAY!!!

HYDE PARK Campus @ 9:45am

Coffee, Donuts, Bagels and a whole lotta fun!

BRING SOMEONE WITH YA!

Margie and Hixon

 
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Posted by on September 21, 2016 in Family, Marriage

 

“IDNW?” (week #1)

15 Sep

Great kick off to this semester last Sunday morning here at Hyde Park in Austin! Margie and I loved seeing familiar faces and meeting new friends. We covered a lot of ground including the ultimate choices that most marriages eventually face…

images4

  1. Get divorced – a tough choice, the death of a marriage
  2. Remain “un-divorced” – Stay married as roommates with separate lives

or

3. Build a GREAT Marriage – and THAT is what we are shooting for…

So, here is where we are going this semester…

“Why marriage?” – Gen 2 (Overview)
“Building a Marriage that Lasts” – The FOUR C’s – Ephesians 5
“What’s Love Got to do with it?” – I Cor 13
“If it Ain’t Broke…Break It!  – James 4:10
“Give Away What You Can’t Keep” –  Matt 7:3-5
“Its’ ALL About Me…really it is” – Eph. 2:8-9
“The “F” Word” – Matt 5:16
“The Ugly, Nasty, Beautiful …Truth” –  John 4:24
“That’s What She Said” –  1 Peter 3:7
“I Know You Are But What Am I?” – Hebrews 12:14
“I’m Not Your Mother” – Eph. 5
“Why Didn’t You Say So?” – 1 Peter 3:7
“I Never Knew”- Matt 7:3-5
“Good Sex” –  I Cor 7:5
“What Exactly Needs Completing Here?” –  Col 2:10
“The Best Trips Take a While” – James 1:12-22

We would love to see you at 9:45am on Sundays at the Hyde Park campus (3901 Speedway in Austin). If you know of anyone who would be interested in joining us then send em or bring em with you!

                                                                                                                                       Margie and Hixon

 
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Posted by on September 15, 2016 in Family, Marriage

 

“WHEN DID MY LIFE START FUNCTIONING WITHOUT GOD?” guest post by Margie Frank

15 Mar

Have you ever read a book that turned your world completely upside down and caused you to look at things in a completely new way?

I am on the final pages of a book called “Kisses From Katie”.  It is the story of a young woman who leaves everything behind to follow what she believes to be God’s will for her life. In short, Katie graduated from high school and convinced her parents to let her work in a Ugandan orphanage if she promised to return in a year and begin her college career.

After a fruitful and life changing 12 months Katie returned home only to face tremendous culture shock and a painful readjustment to her home of 18 years.

Katie wrote “What has been the biggest shock to my system, the huge disconnect, is that I have stepped out of reliance on God to meet my needs.  I “miss” Jesus.  He hasn’t disappeared, of course, but I feel so far from Him because my life is actually functioning without Him. “ 

“My life is functioning without Him…” ?!?!  The words have been thought a million times by Christians in 1st world countries but to read them was a bit stunning.

Here is what I mean…

#1. I can meet my physical needs without turning to Him to heal, feed, or comfort me. I live in an area with 24 hour medical clinics and pharmacies… a dozen around the clock drive throughs … clean, well-lit grocery stores offer almost everything I need and want  and a car to carry it all back to my well heated/cooled home or apartment.

#2.  I can meet my emotional needs:  Instead of turning to Him when I’m lonely or down, I can text a friend, get on Facebook, even use the phone (so 1980’s) to immediately interact with a friend.

#3.  I can entertain myself:  When I am feeling bored I can order a movie on demand, cruise through Pinterest or Facebook, go to a mall or enjoy the half a million apps waiting for me on my smartphone.

What keeps echoing in my head is that by “functioning” without Him, I lose the ability to be close to Him.

In Uganda, Katie was in constant communication with God! WHY?  Because, she could not meet her needs by herself…she HAD to rely on God first for everything. She was content and at peace in the midst of her hardship. She was close to the God of the Universe because she had to be. He was all she had….and SHE LOVED IT!  She had purpose and passion and meaning.

When I read this I found myself terribly  jealous!  When did my INCREDIBLE BLESSINGS BECOME SUCH A CURSE?  When did I have to start “scheduling” time to talk to Him or read and study my Bible?  When did my blessings drive me AWAY from God instead of TOWARDS Him?

While I will, and should, never apologize for God’s blessing in my life, I have come to realize that even blessings from God can be twisted to draw me away from Him.

 
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Posted by on March 15, 2012 in Discipleship

 

“PRETTY VENOM”

10 Feb

I was recently reminded of the VENOM that sometimes comes out of our (my) mouths. You know…harsh words, slander, gossip, innuendo, critique etc…

We are (many of us) Christians, we love Jesus and yet we grapple with the words we speak…especially to fellow believers. Oh, we rarely have a “cussing fit” or just dress someone down…we are too clever for that. Our venom is much “prettier”.

  • We are routinely sarcastic/funny at someone else’s expense.
  • We exploit other’s weaknesses and say “just kidding”.
  • We make fun of someone and invite them to laugh along, or consider them too sensitive if they don’t.
  • We “rip” people when they are not around to defend themselves
  • Etc…

I think most of us struggle with our words, in fact, if we don’t then we are “perfect” (James 3:2). So I am not addressing the occasional slip up or word spoken in anger. I am talking about the systematic tearing down of a brother or sister.

LUKE 6:45 “…for the mouth speaks what the heart is full of…”

JAMES 3:6 “…the tongue also is a fire, a world of evil…”

MATTHEW 15:18
 “… the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them.

SO here is the thing……We reveal WHO we REALLY are by WHAT we say to others…

THE GOSSIP: Reveals that He/She is INSECURE Gossip is idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others. (Prov 18:8) NOTE: If your friends will talk about others when they are not around….they will talk about you when you are not around.

THE SLANDERER: Reveals that he/she is ARROGANT /JEALOUS A false defamation (expressed in spoken words, signs, or gestures) which injures the character or reputation of the person defamed. Happens all the time. Often cloaked in “teasing” but designed to keep folks “in their place”. INNUENDO – reveals that he/she is COWARDLY. They will not address something directly so they get to say it AND have “plausible deniability”. When asked if they said “it”…they are comforted by the fact that they didn’t actually use the words.

THE FLATTERER: Reveals that he/she is a MANIPULATOR/SHALLOW/CHILDISH Gossip involves saying something behind a person’s back what you would never say to his/her face. Flattery means saying something to a person’s face that you would never say behind their back.

THE CRITIC: The Root of most Criticism is ANGER/JEALOUSY Criticism is the judgment of the merits and faults of the work or actions of one individual by another (the critic). In an effort to tear down someone else’s work, we critique, judge and find fault where there is little to find.

Pretty revealing huh? SO what do I do? Well, since I’m guilty of all of the above, here is what I do.

  • Focus on Building others up….
  • Speak the truth in LOVE (Eph. 4:15)
  • Refrain from gossip (Prov 16:28, 17:9, 26:20)
  • Refrain from insincere FLATTERY (Prov 26:28)
  • Stop running others down (James 4:11)
  • Stop the SARCASM (Proverbs 26:24)
 
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Posted by on February 10, 2012 in Devotional Thoughts, Discipleship, Leadership

 
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