RSS

Monthly Archives: February 2012

“PRETTY VENOM”

10 Feb

I was recently reminded of the VENOM that sometimes comes out of our (my) mouths. You know…harsh words, slander, gossip, innuendo, critique etc…

We are (many of us) Christians, we love Jesus and yet we grapple with the words we speak…especially to fellow believers. Oh, we rarely have a “cussing fit” or just dress someone down…we are too clever for that. Our venom is much “prettier”.

  • We are routinely sarcastic/funny at someone else’s expense.
  • We exploit other’s weaknesses and say “just kidding”.
  • We make fun of someone and invite them to laugh along, or consider them too sensitive if they don’t.
  • We “rip” people when they are not around to defend themselves
  • Etc…

I think most of us struggle with our words, in fact, if we don’t then we are “perfect” (James 3:2). So I am not addressing the occasional slip up or word spoken in anger. I am talking about the systematic tearing down of a brother or sister.

LUKE 6:45 “…for the mouth speaks what the heart is full of…”

JAMES 3:6 “…the tongue also is a fire, a world of evil…”

MATTHEW 15:18
 “… the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them.

SO here is the thing……We reveal WHO we REALLY are by WHAT we say to others…

THE GOSSIP: Reveals that He/She is INSECURE Gossip is idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others. (Prov 18:8) NOTE: If your friends will talk about others when they are not around….they will talk about you when you are not around.

THE SLANDERER: Reveals that he/she is ARROGANT /JEALOUS A false defamation (expressed in spoken words, signs, or gestures) which injures the character or reputation of the person defamed. Happens all the time. Often cloaked in “teasing” but designed to keep folks “in their place”. INNUENDO – reveals that he/she is COWARDLY. They will not address something directly so they get to say it AND have “plausible deniability”. When asked if they said “it”…they are comforted by the fact that they didn’t actually use the words.

THE FLATTERER: Reveals that he/she is a MANIPULATOR/SHALLOW/CHILDISH Gossip involves saying something behind a person’s back what you would never say to his/her face. Flattery means saying something to a person’s face that you would never say behind their back.

THE CRITIC: The Root of most Criticism is ANGER/JEALOUSY Criticism is the judgment of the merits and faults of the work or actions of one individual by another (the critic). In an effort to tear down someone else’s work, we critique, judge and find fault where there is little to find.

Pretty revealing huh? SO what do I do? Well, since I’m guilty of all of the above, here is what I do.

  • Focus on Building others up….
  • Speak the truth in LOVE (Eph. 4:15)
  • Refrain from gossip (Prov 16:28, 17:9, 26:20)
  • Refrain from insincere FLATTERY (Prov 26:28)
  • Stop running others down (James 4:11)
  • Stop the SARCASM (Proverbs 26:24)
 
1 Comment

Posted by on February 10, 2012 in Devotional Thoughts, Discipleship, Leadership

 

5 QUICK TIPS FOR BLESSING YOUR TEENAGER(S)

07 Feb

1. MAKE YOUR HOME “BASE”. For those of you that grew up playing outside (without video games, cell phones or internet) you may remember a great game called “Kick the Can”. (at least it was great in my Tulsa, Ok neighborhood in 1977)  It is like a lot of “tag” games in that the object is to avoid getting “tagged” by the person who is “IT” while at the same time trying to “kick the stationary can” that he is protecting. To add to the fun there is a designated “base”. It may be a tree, a shrub or a fence but as long as you are on “base”  you cannot be “tagged” or disqualified from the game….you are safe! While “on base” you could relax, catch your breath, work on “strategy” and prepare to re-engage the game etc….

That is a perfect picture of what a home needs to be for teenagers….a “base”.  Safe emotionally, physically and spiritually.   A Sanctuary – I have spoken/written on this a lot. The world is putting our kids into a vice and squeezing them. Any teenager that wants to “walk with the Lord” is going to have to resist a lot of pressure. But like any of us, they cannot resist 24/7!  They need a place where they can be free from pressure, undeserved criticism and sarcasm. Your home should be a “sanctuary”.

2. “WIN” THEIR HEARTS and THEIR BEHAVIOR WILL FOLLOW (usually)  – While I know that we are our kid’s parents first and their friend 2nd, (especially when they are young), somewhere in their early teens a very cool things takes place: You get to talk to them like a real live person! A dialogue instead of monologue. Actually sharing ideas instead of solely instructing. It may happen once and then not again for a while…but then it happens again. Before you know it you are having validating, important life changing discussions with an intelligent viable teenager….almost like a friendship!

I’m not talking about getting your kids to like you….. I’m talking about respecting a teenager’s gifts, personality, bent, etc….  You are beginning to make the turn from instructor and role model to confidant and role model. (yea, ya never really lose the whole role model thing). If you never make this transition you will frustrate your teenager and (opinion) stunt their growth. You were a teenager once…

3. “TALK” WHEN THEY WANT TO ‘TALK” – scheduling time to talk is very difficult. It can feel forced and canned etc…. but God seems to bring our kids around to a time when they want to share stuff with us. That usually means (especially in the summer) that my wife or I (usually my wife) will have to stay up with them till they go to bed. What is it about teenage girls that wants to talk after midnight?   (for you control freaks I would challenge the notion that making an 18-year-old go to bed at 10pm is a good idea 🙂 )

4. REALIZE YOUR KIDS WILL “LOOK LIKE YOU” IN WAYS YOU DON’T INTEND. They will become WHO you are in every area of life. Mannerisms, sarcasm, anger, humility, pride, devotion to the Lord,  etc….   Jerry and Mary Royal say it best: “They will follow WHO YOU ARE before they follow WHAT YOU SAY”. Your child has a problem with authority? ….hmmmm.  Your child wrestles with worry and fear….hmmmm.  Your child does not walk closely with the Lord?…. well… you get it.

5. GET TO KNOW “THEIR WORLD” – Our kids walk in to a highly competitive, dramatic and morally “foggy” environment at school and need us (more than they know) to help navigate the murky waters of faith and friends. The only way to do that is to talk with them (not at them).

Most teens in my kid’s world have cell phones, Facebook, Twitter, IMing, text messaging, skyping, ….. blah blah blah. So do my kids… It is just a “hill I refuse to die on”. (Me? I had a phone… a land line…that I hated talking on…I’m a guy)  More than once I have had a texting conversation with my teens when they are just in the other room. (don’t judge me). It has always been the start of a much deeper conversation face to face. SO…get into what they are into and you may find that you and your teen can communicate well in the languages THEY most like to use. OMG you may find your son or daughter is your BFF!       lol  🙂

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on February 7, 2012 in Family, Leadership

 

You Lose A Lot When You “Put Others First”

06 Feb

Most of us are keenly aware of our own need for recognition, money, praise, position, status, clothing, respect, love, shelter etc… and sadly, we spend most of our waking moments trying to meet (and exceed) those needs.

Scripture tells us in Phil. 2:3-4   Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

These verses really started to bother me a couple of years ago. Of course, it was always easy seeing the self-absorption in others before I saw it in myself…but eventually God made it obvious to me in almost every area of my life…not pretty!

God called to mind people who He was asking me to put before my own “needs”.  First it was my wife, then my kids. Then He brought up several people in the community, then it was a group of young college guys who just needed someone to look up to. The list got longer but you get the idea.

God showed me a lot about putting the needs of others before my own. He showed me that anyone who does it will LOSE A LOT… like:

  • deep feelings of JEALOUSY at OTHERS BLESSINGS
  • the CONSTANT STRIVING for personal ATTENTION and CREDIT
  • GUILE and POSITIONING
  • FEAR of being LEFT OUT
  • FRUSTRATION with “WHERE YOU ARE”
  • sleepless nights…
 
1 Comment

Posted by on February 6, 2012 in Biographical, Devotional Thoughts, Discipleship