I have believed for a long time that after about two years of marriage, our wives become who we create them to be. They either “blossom” under the safety that we provide (emotional, physical, spiritual) or they get “crushed” under our arrogance and selfishness. Most women allow their husbands, initially anyway, to have that kind of sway in their lives.
This week we will look at skills that a man needs to possess in order to establish a solid marriage…the whole week is “MY OPINION” and not intended to be a Bible Study per se. Also gotta note that these posts are based on my personal conviction that the state of your marriage (and mine) is primarily the responsibility of the man. So for us to have marriages that are BUILT TO LAST I believe that each of us men should have the following 10 skills:
We need to have the SKILL to…
1. PROVIDE FOR HER. Yep, that is right! Get a job, keep it and do well at it. 1 Timothy 5:8 Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
I think for most men this idea is pretty simple and straightforward but is has HUGE implications for how hard we work, how we handle set backs and how we submit to the authority that is represented at work. It is a gross overstatement to say that a woman primarily is looking for financial security…but there is a some truth to it. A woman should be able to expect her husband to work hard (not work-a-holic), take care of the resources God has provided (without being a scrooge), and make responsible financial decisions etc…. It is NOT an unspiritual pursuit to seek to provide well for your family. (obviously it can be taken too far) Somewhere between living in a cardboard box and a mansion in Turtle Creek lies the reasonable expectation. You can live on a small salary or a big one and still provide “well” for your family.
2. STUDY HER. 1 Peter 3:7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
Know her dreams, fears, likes and dislikes, her tendencies (good and bad) and what “pushes her buttons”. Know what makes her happy or causes her stress. Know what hurts her feelings and why. Hint: men and women have the same emotions….they just come out differently. Women get angry…so do women, men get insecure…so do women, men need respect….so do women. Think about it!
“THE FACT THAT YOUR WIFE IS A WOMAN IS A STRENGTH FROM WHICH TO BENEFIT
and NOT A WEAKNESS TO BE MANAGED”.
from The Bible Study Series, “Things They Did Not Tell Me About My Faith” – Hixon Frank 2007
May 9, 2011 at 8:30 am
Two things I would like to comment on. One, I don’t see any problem with living on “Turtle Creek” if God gives it to you and you are not obsessed with His material blessings upon you. If the rest of your life is in balance with His will for your life then just because you live in an extremely well to do area of Dallas does not make it an unreasonable expectation or lifestyle. Two, I agree with you that men and women have the same emotions and likely they are to the same degree if not more. Contrary to culture and how screwed up we are taught to believe that men are less sensitive than women, I believe men are just as sensitive as their counter parts. Just look at David and his life and writings. Look at God who created both, I truly do not believe He determined to have men be weaker emotionally than women. He said it Himself that it is not good for man to be alone, I think it had more to do than just a physical relationship.