My wife Margie, and her good friend Kathy Drake, spent the last 13 weeks teaching a group of about 140 women. They spend the majority of their time talking about the physical relationship God designed for a husband and a wife to enjoy. They addressed everything from the fact that God wants married couples to have an awesome sex life together, guilt over past sexual sin and even how to submit to the leadership of their husbands. About two weeks ago they ask women to write questions they have about “why men are such…..MEN!” The questions range from silly to serious… here are some of the questions and our answers…
WHY DO YOU NOT KNOW WHERE YOUR STUFF IS? OUCH!
Details like where we left our keys, wallet, underwear etc…get by us in light of the big picture.
HOW COME YOU CAN’T JUST “CUDDLE” WITHOUT IT TURNING INTO “SOMETHING ELSE”?
“Cuz you are so hot!” I told the guys this answer would not work but it is worth a try.
Insensitivity on our part. Maybe even selfishness.
Remember to that we are “wired” that way….to pursue, to be visually attracted to you.
WHY DO YOU “SPACE OUT” WHEN I TALK AND AT FULL ATTENTION WITH OTHERS?
You know us best…we pretend with others
We are “on” for others and “off” for you. Or maybe we “fake it” with others and are “real” with you.
We are comfortable with you and that sometimes means we are lazy with you.
DO YOU TRULY UNDERSTAND THAT WE CAN’T HELP IT IF OUR BODIES ARE NOT THE SAME AS THEY WERE WHEN WE WERE 20? Do you mind the changes or embrace them?
None of us are the same as we were when we were 20. A sensitive man will get that.
Hopefully both husband and wife “keep” themselves healthy but to think we will not change is unfair. There should be the additional attraction to you because of sexual history together, kids together, battle fought together, obstacles overcome together, joys shared and trust built.
Proverbs 5:18 May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
Remember that women are harder on other women than men will ever be…
WHY DO MEN HAVE SUCH A HARD TIME TALKING ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS IF SOMETHING IS BOTHERING THEM, WHY DON’T THEY JUST SPEAK UP OR TELL US?
Is it safe to tell you? Or will critique and belittling take place?
Can he completely be himself with you?
Will you lose respect for him if he shares something he is ashamed of?
Will you ask questions that he can’t answer and then be frustrated he does not communicate well?
We don’t like disappointing you (or being disappointed in ourselves)
HOW DO I TELL MY HUSBAND THAT I NEED MORE ATTENTION WITHOUT HIM FEELING LIKE I AM GRIPING OR COMPLAINING?
Tell him: “I love it when you ______________”. Positive reinforcement.
A man receives assignments everywhere he goes and may feel like he has something else for him to do.
If a man smells manipulation he will reject it. “Honey you did an amazing job wiping the seat!” J
HOW CAN I ENCOURAGE MY HUSBAND TO BE A BETTER SPIRITUAL LEADER?
Follow him in the smallest effort. Eph 5/1 Peter 3.
Never ever critique his genuine effort.
Never compare him to anyone else who does it “right”!
MY HUSBAND IS NOT A CHRISTIAN…and will not even consider coming to church with the family. IT HURTS ME AND I FELL LIKE HE IS WRONG. WHAT ADVICE DO YOU HAVE?
1 Peter 3:1 1 Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,
A man will be swayed by his wife. What direction will you sway him?
WHEN MY HUSBAND SHARES A PROBLEM HE IS HAVING, DOES HE WANT ME TO TRY AND FIX IT SINCE THAT IS WHAT HE TRIES TO DO WHEN HE HEARS MY PROBLEMS?
Typically he wants you to see it as the biggest problem that has ever faced a man ….EVER! Then he wants you to assure him that he has done everything that can possible by done. Also a little pity mixed with the recognition that what he has to face in life is almost superhuman compared to the mundane normal things that you have to face.
IS IT A BAD IDEA TO USE YOUR WIFE AS AN ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNER IF YOU STRUGGLE WITH PORNOGRAPHY?
Opinion…yes! Because men and women are wired so differently.
It would be very difficult for a woman to understand how a man thinks without being wounded by what she finds.
In the book Every Man’s Battle – the author tells story after story of a man’s confession to his wife and her shock, dismay, frustration and wounds over his addiction. She considered him a “pervert” and “despicable”… all because she just couldn’t get it. (by the way…he may very well be both a pervert and despicable).
She probably lacks the capacity to understand the struggle. Much like a man could not really understand “childbirth”.
A man DOES NEED ACCOUNTABILITY in his life. A man without accountability is in a very dangerous place.
I recommend that a woman is an “accountability partner” in this way….Know your husbands passwords, codes, texts, emails etc… not in a “stalking way” but just “matter of factly” check em out. There is absolutely no reason that my wife should not know whom I talk to, about what, and when I do it. ( I don’t mean that I betray a confidence…but there is a big difference in exceptions and rules.) Scary how many guys have convinced their wives that it is ok that she does not know the password to the computer/email/text etc….secrecy kills trust it is not the evidence of it!