The following list is by no means exhaustive but it is born out of my experience dealing with men who have trouble leading their home well spiritually…that includes about every man with a pulse. (myself included) #9 is the key to any kind of leadership in the home.
1. He never saw appropriate leadership in the home demonstrated by his father.
- Many men never saw their father “walk well with Jesus”.
- They may have had to go to church a lot … but the home was far cry from what was portrayed at church.
2. He thinks work is for “working” and home is for “resting”
- “I have worked all day and need to relax”
- He tunes out when he hits the front door because he is the “provider”
3. He does not understand what “authority “ really is. (1 Peter 3:7)
- “A man must understand the authority he is under before he can rightly apply the authority he has been given!”
- He forgot that gentle, loving, consistent leadership is marked by sacrifice and servanthood
4. He is not demonstrably spiritual (Christian). Gal.5:21-23)
- His wife has only seen him pray before dinner or with the kids…never for anything more serious than a “good day”
- His wife has seen him choose football over church and sleeping-in over small group Bible Study/Worship
- He MAXIMIZES other’s sin but MINIMIZES his own.
5. He has tried to lead but his wife did not follow.. so he quit trying. (It is like she has a mind of her own!)
- Many men stop leading because their wives distrust them and “push back”
- It “always ends in an argument”
- He become passive aggressive and secretive because open leadership is rejected by his family.
6. He is afraid that someone will “find him out”. (Gal.6:7)
- Most men spend a lot of time and effort hiding their weaknesses and sin.
- (His wife knows him and his weaknesses, sin and tendencies…very tough to lead people who know your junk)
7. He is satisfied with simply being (and raising) a good citizen …. “Good ol boy” Christianity has invaded the home
- More dangerous than paganism, atheism and all the other “isms”……. Combined!
- These folks think they know the Lord but they just know the “culturally accepted form of behavior”… not Jesus!
8. He has given his wife very little to be proud of.
- He points to his income and says “be proud of me”… working too much negates this.
- He points to the fact that he has never cheated on his wife and says “pretty impressive huh”…it is called marriage.
- He points to the computer and says “I’m not a COMPLETE porn addict” … low bar
9. He is a sinner who had not “dealt with his stuff” (2 Cor.5:17)
- The best way I have ever known to heal a marriage is to heal the MAN!
- When a man “gets his life right with God” his family will follow him….maybe not immediately…but soon!