Monthly Archives: September 2010

THE “TOP 15” Qualities of a “Wingman”…well……18 qualities :)

Our group of men who meet on Wednesday night has ballooned to a couple hundred men. The guys are a pretty eclectic mix….

  • some deeply love Jesus and want to grow in their faith
  • some grew up going to church “every time the doors were open” so church is “what they do”
  • some are “good ol boy” Christians who “know Jesus” through theologians  like Kenny Chesney and Garth Brooks
  • some are guys who walked away from their faith in college and are finding marriage and kids to be a bigger challenge than they thought
  • and some guys show up because their lives have fallen apart and have no where else to go.

Whatever has brought them I have grown to absolutely love these guys…….This is what we try to challenge these men (myself included) to become…

1. PRIEST – a husband/father takes responsibility for his own growing faith as well as his wife and children’s growth. He is (as Mark Driscol says) PASTOR DAD. He leads his family in this area by example and words.

2. KING – he takes responsibility for making decisions in his home. Not in a dictatorial fashion but he knows that the direction of his family is primarily guided by a lot of small decisions.

3. WARRIOR – he takes responsibility for protecting his home…fighting for his family (not with them). This has to be balanced by allowing the Holy Spirit to convict, discipline and redeem the members of his family while he steps out-of-the-way. (that is for another post)

4. PROTECTOR – he places a “hedge of protection” around his family. He has difficult conversations with those who may harm his family emotionally or attempt to control/manipulate for their own gain. He understands that he is the only one who really has his families best interests in mind 24/7. He says “NO” to some things.

5. SERVANT – he is a servant leader to his family. If someone in the family is to sacrifice it will be him…he does not count getting a job and keeping it as sacrifice… but his willing duty and privilege.

6. LOVER – he loves his wife practically (take trash out), emotionally (connect with her feelings), verbally (talk man!), physically (boldly pursue her like you did when you were first married, or even before you got married)

7. SHEPHERD – he is involved enough to know his wife well and he “shepherds” her heart. Helping her blossom as a woman and sister-in-Christ and not condemning her for being a woman.

8. VISIONARY – he knows where he and his family are going (need to go) and makes plans to get them there. This is spiritual, emotional physical (any area where growth is required)

9. DISCIPLINED – he is not a slave to his lusts … whether that be food, sleep, anger, porn etc…..

10. COMMITTED/FAITHFUL – he takes responsibility for the marriage covenant and sets his wife apart as uniquely above every other woman on the planet! He puts her on the proverbial “pedistal”.he has no close friends who are women. He does not find himself alone with any other woman…ever. He does not give rides or make overtures that imply he is anything less than 100% committed to his wife.

11. GENTLE – he understands that he married a woman! She is not a “hunting, drinking or dirty joke buddy”. She is the “weaker (physically) vessel and to be treated like a chalice and not a thermos.

12. RESPONSIBLE – he gets a job and keeps it! He pays the bills and keeps the cars running etc…

13. ACCOUNTABLE – he has people in his life that know where he is and what he is doing 24/7. He “gets” that even the best man who is unaccountable is in a dangerous place.

14. HUMBLE – he knows that without Jesus he is nothing…and with Him he is still nothing except what Jesus has redeemed him. “One beggar showing other beggars where to get food”

15. PEACEFUL – he knows that he can bring peace or chaos to his home….he brings peace. Emotional peace, intellectual peace, verbal peace.

16. PATIENT – he knows that he must “wait on God” when leading his family. He is in control but not controlling.

17. KIND – he knows that his kids and wife will follow his lead so he is kind to his wife, kids and total strangers. He does not, however, mistake kindness for weakness.

18. RIGHTEOUS – he knows that “generational sin” will infect his family unless he pursues and destroys it. So he makes sure he is “right with God”


9 Reasons a Man Struggles to Spiritually Lead His Family

The following list is by no means exhaustive but it is born out of my experience dealing with men who have trouble leading their home well spiritually…that includes about every man with a pulse. (myself included)  #9 is the key to any kind of leadership in the home.

 1. He never saw appropriate leadership in the home demonstrated by his father.

  • Many men never saw their father “walk well with Jesus”.
  • They may have had to go to church a lot … but the home was far cry from what was portrayed at church.

2. He thinks work is for “working” and home is for “resting”

  • “I have worked all day and need to relax”
  • He tunes out when he hits the front door because he is the “provider”

3. He does not understand what “authority “ really is. (1 Peter 3:7)

  • “A man must understand the authority he is under before he can rightly  apply the authority he has been given!”
  • He forgot that gentle, loving, consistent leadership is marked by sacrifice and servanthood

4. He is not demonstrably spiritual (Christian). Gal.5:21-23)

  • His wife has only seen him pray before dinner or with the kids…never for anything more serious than a “good day”
  • His wife has seen him choose football over church and sleeping-in over small group Bible Study/Worship
  • He MAXIMIZES other’s sin but MINIMIZES his own.

5. He has tried to lead but his wife did not follow.. so he quit trying. (It is like she has a mind of her own!)

  • Many men stop leading because their wives distrust them and “push back”
  • It “always ends in an argument”
  • He become passive aggressive and secretive because open leadership is rejected by his family.

6. He is afraid that someone will “find him out”. (Gal.6:7)

  • Most men spend a lot of time and effort hiding their weaknesses and sin.
  • (His wife knows him and his weaknesses, sin and tendencies…very tough to lead people who know your junk)

7. He is satisfied with simply being (and raising) a good citizen …. “Good ol boy”  Christianity has invaded the home

  • More dangerous than paganism, atheism and all the other  “isms”……. Combined!
  • These folks think they know the Lord but they just know the “culturally accepted form of behavior”… not Jesus!

8. He has given his wife very little to be proud of.

  • He points to his income and says “be proud of me”… working too much negates this.
  • He points to the fact that he has never cheated on his wife and says “pretty impressive huh”…it is called marriage.
  • He points to the computer and says “I’m not a COMPLETE porn addict” … low bar

9. He is a sinner who had not “dealt with his stuff”  (2 Cor.5:17)

  • The best way I have ever known to heal a marriage is to heal the MAN!
  • When a man “gets his life right with God” his family will follow him….maybe not immediately…but soon!

Wingmen Week 2 (9-1-10)

I have seen men go through job after job all because the “never had a good boss”…..

I have seen people move from church to church to church because they “never quite agreed with the leaders of the church”…

I have watched teenagers make dreadful decisions because that coach, teacher, parent “can’t tell me what to do”….

all rooted in our collective problem with …. AUTHORITY

1 Peter 2: 13Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every authority instituted among men: whether to the king, as the supreme authority, 14or to governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right. 15For it is God’s will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish men. 16Live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as servants of God. 17Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king.

 We see Rebellion EVERYWHERE….

Athletic fields….Classroom…. Relationships….Workplace…etc



 A Problem with Following:

We have rebellious HEARTS   (Jeremiah 17:9)

(Jeremiah 17:9) The heart is deceitful above all things
       and beyond cure. Who can understand it?  “I the LORD search the heart…”

 God expects you to follow well. (1 Peter 2)

We submit for _THE LORDS__ sake and not our own comfort (v13)

  1. Authority in your life represents ORDER and not VALUE. (John 3:30/1 Peter 2:13)
  2. Following a boss well gives you a unique platform to share what is really important, faith in Jesus Christ?
  3. God uses an unfair authority figure to make us better.
  4. Scripture says rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft…. in other words not good at all.  (1 Sam 15:23)


1. Show Proper respect to Everyone (v17) You honor others. Treat people with respect. You don’t submit to everyone but you do honor them. Even if you disagree, do so in an honorable fashion.  “I love you, I care for you, I disagree with you.”  What if they hate Christianity…honor them.  What if they hate “me”… honor them,  “What if they hate our church”…honor them. “What if they hate Jesus” … do what Jesus did…love them. -Driscol

Illustration of my wife Margie….. treats everyone with respect. Millionaire gets the same treatment as the guy who needs to bum some gas money. All are treated the same….with love and deference. 

2. Love the Brotherhood of Believers (v17)  Love fellow Christians, pray for them, open your home, eat with them, cry with them, encourage them. Sacrifice for them, Hire them, forgive them give to them…… love them. 

This will stem the tide of folks who regularly….judge them, look down on them, misunderstand them, roll their eyes at their pain,

Note: Every time we take a shot at another church I believe, according to scripture(Eph.4:30) it grieves the Holy Spirit.  Don’t be the church that self righteously calls other churches to be more like us…that is not the goal. Be more like Jesus. – Driscol

3. Fear God (v17)

This keeps us from all kind of trouble  .It keeps us from the “fear of man” …Proverbs call a “snare and a trap”

4. Honor the King  (v17)

Pray for our leaders, elected and appointed officials, work through the legal channels etc…. not protesting with accusations that, while they may reflect the truth, only incite hatred and angst.

1 Peter 2:17

Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king.