I have believed for a long time that after about two years our wives become who we create them to be. They either “blossom” under the safety that we provide (emotional, physical, spiritual) or they get “crushed or stunted” under our thumbs. Most women allow their husbands, initially anyway, to have that kind of sway in their lives.
Some Skills to develop…
- Skill to Provide for her. Yep, that is right! Get a job, keep it and do well at it. Provide for your woman! (1 Tim 5:8)
- Skill to Study her. Know her dreams, fears, likes and dislikes, their tendencies and what pushes their buttons. Know what makes her happy or causes her stress. Know what hurts her feelings and why. (1 Tim 3:12, Implied) For most men it will take a lot of effort but start with this: understand that men and women have the same emotions….they just come out differently. Think about it!
- Skill to Accept her for who she is. Along with all of the gifts, abilities and talent that you married her for, she also has the shortcomings, blind spots and issues she came with. You get the good and the bad (the richer and poorer, the sickness and health..etc) By the way….she got both good and bad with you!
- Skill to Give her a Safe Place to Be Herself. Let her be a girl… a big reason you married her…I’m guessing. You have guy friends you can tell “pull my finger jokes” to!
- Skill to Listen to What She Says. She probably has some insight that you may lack. Listen to her counsel.
- Skill to Never Compare Her Unfavorably to Any Other Woman…ever! (Prov 19:4)
- Skill to Never Agree with your Buddies Who Put Her Down…. I can’t believe it but I actually have several men in mind as I write this one!
- Skill to “Back her up” in front of the kids, your family, etc….. you are always on your wife’s side. (Ps 128:3)
- Skill to Pursue her. Don’t stop just cause you married her. Keep winning her. I guarantee there is another man she knows who would love to be in your shoes and he is probably working on that right now. It is the world we live in. (Song of Solomon)
- Skill to Lead Her …………. by example. Gone are the days that a man will lead his wife by fiat! (if they ever really existed in the first place) (Ephesians 5)
A good friend of mine is fond of saying that “being in love lasts about 18 months”.
He is absolutely right!
After that you better have some skill!
from The Bible Study Series, “Things They Did Not Tell Me About My Faith” – Hixon Frank 2007